my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
50% drunk capacity currently
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
