Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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