Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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