just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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