if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
