i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
