So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
