someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
