great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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