Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
