Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
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I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
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I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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