i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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