How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Every concussion has its silver lining
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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