I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
