He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
