ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
