I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
