Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
