the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
