ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
