your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Enjoy the penises
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
