I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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