im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
