I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
