so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Found the puke drawer
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize