you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
As shirtless as possible
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
