Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
