I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i now understand why vodka
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
