i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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