i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
