ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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