I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
