just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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