I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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