why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
