Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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