i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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