Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
there was a trapeze. enough said
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
