It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
