the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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