Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
