if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
