let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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