Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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