I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
