apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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