I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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