I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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