so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
