Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
