Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
