Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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