You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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