Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
