if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
