Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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