so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
