I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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