I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
