that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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